Kinshiro/Atsushi - A Perpetual Longing

[brilliantdance]

Rating: Teen

Words: 600

Summary: A random encounter sparks many emotions in Kinshiro.

Notes: Movie spoilers for their jobs in the future !!!!!!

Written for the quick works fest at boueibu_fanworks 
 

Do I need a loaf of bread? Kinshiro eyed the display, putting his fist to his chin in thought. Hm, might as well. He added it to his basket and turned the corner towards the dairy when another person was suddenly right in front of him.

“Woah!” the other voice said as Kinshiro managed to stop just in time to avoid a collision.

“I apologize-” Kinshiro said, focusing on not dropping his basket, just as the other person exclaimed, “Kin-chan!”

The voice made Kinshiro’s stomach swoop as his gaze snapped up, locking with the beautiful brown eyes of his childhood friend.

“At-chan,” he breathed out. “I’m sorry about that.”

A smile graced Atsushi’s face. “No worries. It’s nice to run into you. Thankfully not so literally.”

“It is,” Kinshiro agreed with a chuckle. He adjusted his glasses, studying Atsushi. He was wearing blue jeans, a brown sweater, and his hair was shorter than the last time they’d seen each other. He was as attractive as other, if not more so.

They stood there, just pleasantly smiling at each other, and Kinshiro’s heart started racing as it always did when he saw Atsushi. Which sadly wasn’t very often. They kept in touch with text messaging, but their lives and jobs were busy, and it was difficult to find time to meet up.

Would it be any different if I’d confessed my feelings to him a long time ago? Would we always be together? Would we live together, wake up together every morning? What if…

But he was a coward, even all these years later, unable to take that step for fear of rejection, losing Atsushi forever permanently. Still being friends, even if more distant than before, was a better outcome.

What hurt the most, though, was…

“So, how are you doing?” Atsushi asked.

The awkwardness between them was still there. They still struggled to come up with things to talk about.

Kinshiro cleared his throat. “Everything’s well. I recently recovered from a bit of a cold, but that’s not very notable. How about you, At-chan? Is your job at the city treating you well?”

“Yes, it is,” Atsushi agreed. “It’s difficult at times, but I enjoy serving people.”

“You were always good at that,” Kinshiro agreed.

Atsushi’s ears went red, and it was his turn to clear his throat. “Um, what about you? Now that I think about it, you never talk about your job.”

Kinshiro’s blood turned to ice in his veins while his cheeks started burning. He hated this question. Only Arima knew what he truly did, but there was no way Atsushi could ever find out. Ever.

“It… it’s good, everything is well in that regard too. I apologize, but I should hurry back.” 

“Oh, so soon? Let’s-”

But before Atsushi could finish speaking, Kinshiro was fleeing.

This was what hurt the most.

He couldn’t tell Atsushi his real job, and he couldn’t keep coming up with excuses not to talk about it without it getting strange.

A boulder weighed down his stomach as he grabbed some milk and cheese before heading to the check-out.

When he arrived back to his small home, he put his groceries away, changed his clothes and sat down at his computer.

Their encounter played on repeat in Kinshiro’s mind, the way Atsushi looked so happy to see him, his look of disappointment before he fled, it all weighed on him, and he glanced at the open document, his emotions swirling chaotically.

This longing, yearning, that was eating away at him, Kinshiro did what he always did, poured it into his next novel.